Philip E. Humbert, PhD,
President, The Philip E. Humbert Group, Inc.
This week, three different friends told me they had recently attended funerals of loved ones, and in all three conversations we talked about how short life is. In the past few years, I've reached an age where a few of my own friends have passed away. When I was younger, that only happened in rare accidents or, in two cases, during the Viet Nam war. But in the past couple of years, I've lost two friends to cancer and another to heart disease.
Life is too short, and far too fragile!
I began thinking about the "wish lists" most of us maintain, the things we plan to do "someday." You have a list like that, don't you? Almost everyone does.
We think we'll travel or change careers, start a business, vacation in some exotic location, or pursue some passion we've postponed for too long. We'll take up music or painting, run for political office, or write that novel we've "put off" over the years.
We think we'll do those things, but will we? That's a tough question to ponder.
Over the years, I've developed a little exercise I often do with my coaching clients, especially the ones who claim to be "too busy." I invite you to do it, too.
First, list all the things you do in a normal week. Yup, I said list everything you spend time or energy on in a normal week. That includes going to work, brushing your teeth, walking the dog, fixing dinner, playing tennis, reading to the kids, and putting gas in the car. Use a little notebook and during the day, list every task or activity that takes your time.
Most people end up with a couple hundred items by the end of the week. Some of them are "big" or "important" like going to work, making love, taking the kids to school. Other items are "small" or "trivial" like taking out the trash, but list all of them. I think you'll be amazed at what you do with the "time of your life."
The second list is usually shorter and (interestingly) harder. Give yourself an hour in a quiet spot, perhaps with a cup of tea or coffee and list the important "want-to's" in your life. List the things you want to do, see, have, visit, learn or enjoy in your life. This is very personal and I've given up trying to predict what might be on it, even with my close friends. Typically, however, you'll have a few big items ("climb Mt Everest") and several smaller items ("rent Casablanca and watch it with my spouse"). You may have some very admirable items ("read War and Peace") and some naughty items ("go skinny dipping"). Whatever your dreams, write them down.
Now, comes the hard part. You've got to make decisions.
On your list of things you actually do during the week, you MUST find some items to eliminate. I know, everything on there feels like a "have-to." Think harder! Some of those things could be delegated. You can pay someone to do a few of them, and some should not be done at all. Your task is to figure out which are which.
To have the life you want, you MUST eliminate a few hours of "have-to's" every week.
When it comes down to it, there are very few things we really "have to" do in life. Actually, the ONLY thing I'm convinced we cannot avoid is death itself. Obviously, I recommend you do your work, pay your taxes, spend time with loved ones and so forth. But your first task is to eliminate several hours of "have-to's" from your weekly schedule.
Then comes the fun part. Look over your list of want-to's and start adding them in! If you want to paint, buy some paints and brushes and start this Saturday. If you want to sky-dive, look in the phone book and make a call. If you want more time with the kids, buy a kite or get the football out of the garage and go to the park. If you want romance, buy some candles, a bottle of wine and call the baby-sitter. This is not hard!
Life is short and far too fragile. Whatever you dream of doing, begin. Put a first step or a "down payment" on your schedule and make it happen. Create memories. Have fun. Have an adventure. Take a (reasonable) risk. Be audacious. Laugh out loud. See what happens.
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